The Labby Bunch

I have a blog?

2007-01-16T13:33:00.000-06:00

It has come to my attention that I am supposed to update this thing every now and again. Oops!

Dear Anonymous,

I am deeply sorry that I haven't met your blogging expectations. Please forgive me.

Yours,
Brenda

In other news, here's what's going on!

Let's see, I last left you with the exciting news that I'm getting married in May. As you can imagine, this requires a good bit of our time. But there is plenty going on other than wedding news. I have a dog with liver problems. The vet's "not sure" why but I'm certain it's because she binge drinks when I'm at work. That would explain all the vomit I come home to.

In October, my mom was diagnosed with Stage II breast cancer and had a mastectomy in November. She began chemo this month and is getting on remarkably well. She's so brave, that woman. I really take my hat off to her. She's been such a trooper. The doctors have every confidence that she'll make it through this. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

It's kind of hard to follow up after news like that. But I'll keep going anyway. Christmas was fun. New Year's was great. Now we're just counting down the days until we're married. Maybe I'll post again before then! That would be something, wouldn't it Scott?

It's been so long...

2006-08-29T11:57:00.000-05:00

Sorry 'bout that. Scott's been on my butt to post again, but I'm lazy. So I figured this post would be exciting for those of you who missed me over the past 2 months (!).

Let's see, where to begin...

Well, I moved. Again. But I won't be moving until next May when Brad and I get our own house because...WE'RE ENGAGED! That's the big news, kids. May 5, 2007 we will officially become husband and wife. Woohoo! So here's how it went down:

Saturday night, August 26, 2006 we went to a lovely dinner at Cabana where we enjoyed awesome food (seriously- go there and get sliders, lump crab hushpuppies, and the rainbow trout. It ROCKED!) and some nice drinks (lemondrop martini for me and extra dirty martini for the gentleman, we both had mojitos that were super refreshing) .

Then, when I wanted to order the "trio of fried pies" (because holy doodoo, that sounds good), Brad protested. "I have dessert in the car," he said. Okay...dessert in the car. Should be interesting. And melted. But I went with it. (We have been looking at rings, people, and I'm no dummy...I had an idea in the back of my mind what might be happening)

So halfway down Hillsboro Road, I was blindfolded. You see, I'm what Brad likes to call a little "Sherlock Holmes". I don't like surprises. Never have. Since childhood, I have scouted out numerous birthday presents, Christmas presents or any other mention of a "surprise". I feel like it's my inner CSI coming through. My mom got so good at hiding them that she hid them from herself.

So, there I am, sitting in his car, blindfolded. I know that looked interesting to passers-by, but he said there was no one around really. Then I heard the blinker go on and I felt the car veer into the left lane. "You're turning left, aren't you?"

"No, I'm not." At which point, Brad turned right to throw me off. Because the whole time I'm thinking, 'Okay, we're going down Hillsboro. I know that much. So where could we be going if we're turning left.' And then bam! He hits me with this right turn and almost immediately a strange curve. I was all confused so I gave up. I kept trying to pry hints out of him using my girlish charm, but to no avail.

Everytime I asked, "Sooo....how much further," he would respond with "about 10 or 15 miles". Gee, that's awesome. Blindfolded for 10 or 15 miles. I was starting to feel like a hostage, but I let it go. And then I heard it. The crunch of gravel under the tires. "We're at Ellington*, aren't we?" (*Ellington Agricultural Center in Crieve Hall has a beautiful iris garden and we both had talked about having our wedding there already. Plus, it's gorgeous!)

"What makes you think that," he asked with a smirk.

"Because I heard the gravel." I'm pretty sure he was shaking his head at that point, but I don't know for a fact because, oh yeah, I was blindfolded.

He lead me through the grass where he told me to "step high" because there were grass clippings everywhere, and I took this to mean "walk as though you are in the TSU marching band" because my high-stepping was met with laughter. Hey, when you're blindfolded and being lead around, it's a good idea to do everything you're asked.

We finally stopped and, when he took the blindfold off, lo and behold, we were at Ellington! (Am I good or what?!?) But nevermind that, in front of me was a white picnic cloth, a picnic basket, tray of fruits and chocolate, a bottle of Riesling (my favorite), candles galore and a dozen red roses! Brad proceded to tell me all kinds of wonderful things that you, the internet, have no business hearing because it's private. He got down on one knee, pulled out a little blue box, and asked me if I would do him the honor of being his wife.

Now, because I blubber when I watch "A Wedding Story" on TLC, I was already boo-hooing at this point and answered, "Yes!" I think I may have said it multiple times. It was fabulous! We sat and drank our wine, ate some fruit and chocolate, and called everyone we love to tell them the fabulous news. It was the best proposal ever.

So now we're planning our wedding for May 5, 2007, and it will happen in the same place: the Iris Garden at Ellington. I can't wait!

P.S. Blogger won't let me upload my pics right now, and thusly, I hate Blogger. I'll put some up later. And I promise, these won't have puke in them.

Puke-tastically Good Times

2006-06-29T13:28:00.000-05:00

So this pile of nastiness is what I came home to Tuesday afternoon. Isn't it pretty? I think that's a turd in the vomit. Nice, huh? It kind of makes me want to puke looking at it. Yum!

(picture removed at readers' requests- sorry guys, I think vomit is funny!)

Alright, so which one of you did it?

Aiko, is it yours? I have good reason to believe it is. 1) Your daddy taught you to puke in the bathroom if you get sick. 2) When Aggie pukes, she prefers to do it off the side of the coach like a drunk slut or all over my bedroom (have ya'll ever seen that episode of Crank Yankers where David Allen Grier's puppet calls a phone sex line and then explosively vomits whenever he's turned on...that's how I imagine Aggie pukes in the daytime: random, uncontrollable hurling explosions all over the place. It's awesome. I especially like cleaning it up-she's lucky her Uncle John is a carpet cleaner* or I'd be packing her up for Happy Tales Humane)

Aggie says, "This time, it wasn't me....I swear!"

Judging by that guilty look, it was Aiko. How can you stay mad at a face like that though? (FYI-I threw the bathmat away)

*Shameless plug for my brother: If you ever need your carpet cleaned at a reasonable price by a trustworthy guy, let me know. MaxClean Carpet & Upholstery Cleaning is the best in the biz.

Drawn and Quartered...

2006-06-27T08:35:00.000-05:00

Odd...

2006-06-26T11:29:00.000-05:00

So my parents' neighbors have this Golden Retriever who resembles a small bear. He's huge. And he also thinks he lives with my parents. He'll come over to their house, come inside, hop up on the couch and lay his head in your lap like it's a daily routine for him. Last night I went over to their house with Aggie and Aiko for some play time and to visit with the folks and Chance decided to stop by. Aggie is one of his favorite fat-bottomed girls so he always comes over when he sees me pull up in the driveway. Apparently Chance has a new admirer, however. While sitting there watching the dogs play, I noticed Aiko walk over, sniff Chance's backside and start humping the air. She didn't make any effort to jump on him in an attempt to dominate him. She just stood there and humped her butt like she was dancing to doggy music in her head. It was really strange and funny. She walked away like she was a little embarassed and then came back for more. I have to admit- we were all laughing too hard to do anything. And Aiko looked mostly ashamed.

Memorial Day Report

2006-06-01T11:48:00.000-05:00

Brad and I went camping at the lake with my family this weekend. Here's a bulleted run-down of the weekend.

Friday night- To avoid a repeat of the previous weekend's camping wetness, my parents let us sleep in their camper. Four people, four labs, thirty foot travel trailer- you do the math. At least we didn't have to sleep in water. There was some musical dog-in-bed action going on throughout the night.
Saturday morning- Brad and I were responsible for breakfast and we'd planned on sausage links and pancakes. Where are the sausage links? Are they in the cooler? No.... Are they in the fridge in the trailer? No..... They're still at my apartment! Awesome! So we all took an early morning trip to Wal-Mart to replenish our sausage link supply and breakfast was yummy as a result. (And in the grand tradition of Wal-Mart, left the place with more than we had anticipated)
Saturday afternoon- Boat trip with John. Fun times with Aiko and her duck decoy. She fetched it over and over and over and over and over (and over). She lives up to the name "retriever". At one point she tried to retrieve a small tree that was growing in the lake.
Saturday night- Steak dinner! Then we realized we'd have to set up the air mattress we borrowed from my brother. Not easy to do in the dark. Oh yeah, and the pump didn't work. Trip #2 to Wal-Mart to buy an air pump.
Sunday morning- It looks like we've figured out which air mattress of my brother's has the leak in it. Butts on ground. No fun. Looks like later... trip #3 to Wal-Mart for our own air mattress. My sister and brother-in-law fix a nice breakfast of bacon and cinnamon rolls. Aggie decides that a mugful of bacon grease would be a tasty treat and indulges herself.
Sunday afternoon- A little galavanting through the Natchez Trace State Forest/Park to see the "Big Pecan Tree" and some impromptu off-roading. Come back for more boat rides and swimming with the fam. Grillin' out for dinner. This time we fixed the air mattres before it got dark so there were no surprises at bedtime.
Monday morning- Plans change. Forget going home early: let's go for more boat rides, more swimming, and more duck retrieving with Aiko!!! Fun fun fun!
Monday afternoon- Decide to go eat up river and everyone heads out in boats. Dad attempts to cross cabin cruiser's giant wake in his boat and almost swamps the damn thing, giving us all heart attacks. Luckily, everyone is fine and there is no damage to boat. Everything is wet except the for the Lay's Stax potato chips- maybe we should write to Lay's about how indestructible their plastic potato chip containers are and make some money off of this. We get to the boat dock where we had planned on eating lunch and surprise!surprise! the restaurant burned down in March. No lunch there. We all decide it might be time to head in and pack it up for the weekend.

Several hours and much sunburn later, we return back to reality. Brad and I headed to Cracker Barrel for dinner where everyone asked "Ya'll been on the lake" on account of Brad's raccoon eyes and my mucho sunburned shoulders. Fun times.

Cinco de..... CRAZY!!!

2006-05-26T12:50:00.000-05:00

Amanda and Chris hosted a fabulous Cinco de Mayo party (and if you're paying attention-this post is 20 days late, but F it. I'm a busy person). She made the world's strongest margaritas which, after imbibing, created insane amounts of laughter and crazy picture taking. Bernie and I forced Brad to take our picture over and over in order to obtain the perfect photo. Damned digital cameras. They let you see how horrible you look so you can keep retaking the picture until you have an epileptic seizure from the flash.

We also had some fun with political action figures, courtesy of Amanda's latest trip to Wal-Mart. Ah, Wal-Mart, I'm sure you had no idea when you sold Action Hero Rumsfeld and Action Hero Old Man Bush that we would be doing what we did to them. I want you to note the smiling expressions. Man, he really likes taking it up the butt.

Hopefully the next time these kiddos host a party, it won't take me ten years to post about it. But here's what we've all been waiting for... (drumroll please)

Awwww....so cute. I think this is where we gave up, after take 832,059. The camera battery was dying and I suspect Brad was tired of looking at us.

I imagine that Bush is turning his head back as though to say, "Hey Rummy, you brought the KY and condoms, right?"

This is my alter-ego, Beaker. Here me saying, "Meeeeepmeeeeepmeemeeeeeeeeeeeeep"

All he needs now is a brewsky and a football game on TV.

Thievery!

2006-05-23T20:00:00.000-05:00

This is what happens when you grill hot dogs with real dogs around: they get to snooping.

And then this happens:

Beware of Poopy Water

2006-04-21T15:41:00.000-05:00

Last weekend Brad and I went camping at Old Stone Fort State Archaeological Area on the Duck River. We got there, got our campsite set up and decided to take the doggies for a swim, so we set off on our merry way. As we approached the river I saw a sign that said something to the effect of "this water has shit in it". Not really. It actually said something about high levels of non-harmful fecal choliform bacteria possibly indicating harmful fecal choliform bacteria. My immediate reaction was, obviously, to stifle my vomit. Anyone who knows me knows I always enjoy a good poo joke and am a fan of regular bowel movements, but taking my dog for a swim in doody water is out of the question. And there might be harmful bacteria??? Doesn't the Department of Shitty Nasty Water Pollution Control have tests for that? Where are they dumping doodoo into the Duck River? Maybe people in Manchester never invested in indoor plumbing and just float their brown trout in the river. Regardless, it was disappointing to us and the doggies. If you've ever tried dragging two 80-lb labs away from water, you'll know what I mean. They see water and missile locked! they're going for a swim... So we just took the pups for a hike, built a nice fire, roasted some hot dogs and made s'mores. Aside from DooDoo River it was a good time. Check out some of the pretty things we found along the way...

Update #2

2006-04-18T09:07:00.000-05:00

March 25, 2006- Rachel gets married! Yea! The day was beautiful, Rachel was gorgeous and everything went off without a hitch. Here are a few more pictures of the event. Enjoy!

UPDATES GALORE!

2006-04-17T10:31:00.000-05:00

Over the next few hours/days/weeks (basically whenever I can get to it) I'm going to try and update with some pictures of fun things that have been going on. So here is update #1: Aggie turned 3 on March 15 so she celebrated with a new toy (a rubber donut-she was disappointed that it wasn't a real one) and some delectable morsels for dinner. Below are the pictures of her birthday dinner.

Above is a picture of her food bowl filled with morsels and tidbits, tidbits and morsels. You can just barely see her eyes and teeth glowing in the background. Below is a better picture of her sniffing the bowl. After I tortured her awhile and made her sit across the room, she hollered out "just let me eat already!" and jumped in snout first. All in all I think she had a pleasant birthday. No keggers this year, maybe when she turns 4.

Welcome Spring!

2006-04-12T09:52:00.000-05:00

I know it's been awhile since I've posted anything. Mostly because I've been busy at work, my sister got married and I had to move because of water leakages in my old apartment. So life has been a little frantic. Nonetheless, I felt like updating things a bit-so here's the new spring template. I have some pictures of things that have gone on recently and I'll post them soon but here's one for now from my sister's wedding...

Poor Little Swiss Cake Aggie...

2006-03-23T09:01:00.000-06:00

So Aggie went to the vet Monday. Part of the typical vet exam includes being weighed, much to our chagrin. Big Mama's weighing in at 75 pounds, but that's not the bad part-she has to lose 10 to 15 pounds. According to the vet, Aggie looks like a "coffee table", an assessment that, I have to admit, is fairly accurate. She's pretty rectangular. So here's the gameplan: low-fat dog food, NO MORE SNACKS (regardless of how puppy-ish sweet she makes her face look), and more exercise. I think the snacks are gonna be harder for me to give up than for her. Maybe in a few months she'll look less like Queen Latifah and more like Beyonce' (you know, she needs to have a healthy amount of jelly, don't you think?).

Poetry...

2006-03-03T08:52:00.000-06:00

My Little Activist

2006-03-01T15:48:00.000-06:00

So Aggie has revived an old trick of hers. When she was a puppy I lived in an apartment on a busy road. There was a fire station just down the street so fire trucks with blaring sirens were a common occurrence. At some point she began howling with the fire trucks. And not just baying, but howling as though she is the siren. She didn't do it for a long time until several months ago when I was sitting in my living room, watching TV and the distant sound of a siren began down on the street. Next thing I know, she is howling along with it. And what's funny is how agitated she becomes; she gets up and paces back and forth as though she wants to help the fire truck. She seems almost frustrated. She's done it several times since then and we crack up every time, but last night I almost lost it.

So last night I was driving along with Ms. Thang in the car when a fire truck drove by, horns blaring and she began her siren song. What was great is that she leaned across me in the direction of the truck as though to say "I hear you and I'm helping your cause...I'll tell those motorists to move! Don't you worry!" She's my little activist Labrador, I tell you. Next thing you know, she'll be down in front of the Federal building, toting signs while chanting in an attempt to educate the masses on the importance of paying attention to fire trucks that have their sirens on. She told me last night she wants to have reconstructive surgery so she'll look like this:

WOW-just WOW

2006-02-27T10:16:00.000-06:00

I read about this on The Smoking Gun and couldn't believe it. Surely this man exhibited signs of insanity before the woman married him and he kidnapped her, but man, I would've been running as soon as he whipped out the "Contract of Wifely Expectations". I really hope she countered with the "Contract of Husbandly Expectations" because that is just some major bull. Beware before you read it: it's pretty graphic, but amusing nonetheless. ENJOY!!! Happy Healthy Relationship Reading!!!

Super Boring Bowl XV

2006-02-06T13:02:00.000-06:00

In celebration of the crappy teams playing in yesterday's "big game" (and I use that term very loosely) Brad and I made a kitty litter cake to take to Bernie's for fun and good times. (also because we are very amused by poo humor) Here are some glamour shots of its pooey, cakey goodness along with me posing a la Vanna White with our delectable shit cake. I think the food was the most exciting part of the game for all of us. I'm pretty sure at one point I said, "well, at least it's already the fourth quarter..." You know a game sucks ass when people are lamenting that it's NOT OVER YET. And don't even get me started on the Rolling Stones. But I digress...on to the pictures!

It's important to serve this cake with a pooper scooper. Also, add enough *turds* to give that "full pan" effect for maximum flavor (we used the Valentine's snack bar size-I strongly recommend as they are appropriately turd shaped) .

Don't you wish you had that shit scoop in your mouth right now? Come on...I know you're jealous...

Look out Martha Stewart....

Look at the artistry of the "splatter turd". Brad gets all the credit for this one. He is the genius behind splattering the poo around the pan. Good call, Brad.

Do you see the disgust in Bernie's face as she takes a bite? I can't imagine why?!?

I'm PISSED!!!

2006-02-02T13:45:00.000-06:00

So I just watched this video on MSN about some puppy drug smuggling ring in Colombia. Apparently these a-holes have some sort of make-shift veterinary clinic where they cut open the puppies, implant packages of liquid heroin, and sew them back up in order to transport the drugs across the border. Now using puppies is heinous enough, but what really makes them lower than catfish in my book is that they were using lab puppies. Clearly, in my little world, there is no fucking with labradors. What these bitches don't know is that I have a gang of crime fighting labs ready to attack. (not really, labs aren't the "attacking" kind-but that sounds cool, doesn't it?) Truly, how fucked up do you have to be to plant drugs in PUPPIES?!?! What's next, babies? There is a special place in hell for people who mess with puppies, babies, and pregnant or breastfeeding women. That's my $0.02.

Word O' The Day

2006-01-26T10:33:00.000-06:00

Today's word is "hangry".

Hangry- adv. when one becomes so hungry that they are angry.

For example, I turn into a raging bitch when I haven't eaten. Some might say I am hangry.

Try using it in a sentence today!

*Thanks to Amanda for bringing attention to this glorious word!

I'm Cutting Back Her Portion Size

2006-01-13T09:17:00.000-06:00

She's always looked like a swiss cake roll with a head, but the other night I noticed rolls. New ones. Aggie is on a diet. Hopefully she won't look like this anymore:

How Is This Possible?

2006-01-11T09:13:00.000-06:00

This dog will never cease to amaze me. Over the weekend, I made meatloaf and Monday I took the last of it to work with me for lunch. So Monday morning, I filled the loaf pan with hot, soapy water and let it sit in the sink for easier scrubbing when I got home. Knowing that my dog is disgusting and would try to DRINK this soapy, greasy, meatloaf water, I put the lid on the loaf pan (I am a dork: I have the Martha Stewart set of pyrex, complete with matching lids). All was well Monday; she didn't mess with it. Due to circumstances beyond my control (e.g. a busted hot water heater in the apartment above me and a big wet mess in my apartment), the meatloaf pan didn't get washed Monday night so I resigned myself to the fact that it would have to wait until after work Tuesday.

So I got home last night and there's Captain Spaz Pants, in all her glory and the lid to the loaf pan on the floor. I'm thinking, "okay, this is normal...I don't mind if all she messed with today was the lid." So I take the Captain outside, come back in and start cleaning up. I go to the sink and notice the loaf pan is missing. My first thought is, "Wait, did I wash that last night...?" Of course I didn't, why would I put the pan in the dishwasher and not the lid. Anywho, I look around, and there by Lady Lard Ass' bowl is the pan STILL FULL OF GREASY MEATLOAF WATER! So here is my question: how in the HELL did she achieve this feat of canine nature? My co-workers and I have been postulating all morning. Maybe she sprouted opposable thumbs, lifted the pan out of the sink down to the floor and then realized how disgusting its contents were and gave up. Maybe her mouth is much larger and stronger than I ever imagined and she picked it up sideways and gingerly set it on the floor. Maybe she's like one of the dogs from the Far Side who smokes cigarettes and reads The New Yorker. Who the hell knows? I'm still amazed A) as to how she got a full pan of dirty meatloaf water out of the sink, B) it didn't turn over on the way down and C) she didn't drink up all the water thus inducing explosive diarrhea and vomiting all over my apartment. My dog must be a lot smarter than I originally thought. That being the case, bitch needs to start pulling her weight around here. If she can potentially move dishes around the house while they're full of water, there's no reason she couldn't dust with her tail or something.

Where Do you Belong?

2006-01-06T10:54:00.000-06:00

You Belong in London

A little old fashioned, and a little modern.
A little traditional, and a little bit punk rock.
A unique woman like you needs a city that offers everything.
No wonder you and London will get along so well.

What City Do You Belong In?

A Mighty Fortress Is A Dog....

2006-01-04T16:16:00.000-06:00

(Aiko models one of her New Years hats)

This weekend I had the joy of puppysitting for Aiko. She is quite possibly one of the best labs ever. I say "one of" because clearly I am a little partial to the ones I already know, but seriously folks, this dog ROCKS! When I'd take the pups out for the morning constitutional, Aiko didn't even need a leash (she never does-that amazes me). She'd come running back with a smile whenever I'd say "Come on, Aiko. Let's go inside." Let's run through that scenario with Aggie, shall we? It would basically go something like this: the door would open and Aggie would take off at full clip to whatever small, fuzzy animal or edible object was around and then I would begin hollering at her to go pee or poop, whichever she was supposed to be doing at the moment. Then she would look back at me like "nanny nanny boo boo stick your head in poo poo" and take off running in the opposite direction with me standing there wringing my hands. I've learned at this point that chasing after her does no good whatsoever. She just runs farther, faster. Anyway, the yelling would continue as Aggie had her way with the apartment complex and scared every living creature within a 100 yard radius because she's big, hairy and smelly, until she eventually got tired and came home. Obviously not the case with the angelic Aiko.

One of the many bonuses to having Aiko around was that her calm demeanor rubbed off on Captain Spaz Pants (read: Aggie) and she actually settled herself a bit. Another bonus: two, count 'em, TWO 80 pound labradors in the bed. They weren't so much dogs at that point as they were gargoyles. Or as I like to say, labra-goyles. I woke up at one point Friday night with a lab on each side and the covers pulled taut across my body. Cozy, right? Not when you have to pee at 6am. Luckily, Aiko likes to spoon early in the morn so she moved her booty and let me go to the bathroom, then curled up next to me for some hardcore snuggling. Bonus #3 to having the labra-goyles: there was NO way anybody was coming anywhere near me with any idea of possibly harming me. A woman walked by my apartment with her miniature dachshund and the two of them went NUTS! You would've thought Leatherface was coming after me with his chainsaw. Alas, it was a weiner dog. I can see how they might confuse the two...

Sadly, Aiko's papa came to pick her up and she went home, leaving me with just one security dog. I will have to say, Aggie is happy that she reigns supreme once again, but still, I'm thinking of opening Becca's Kennel and Doggie DayCare just for Aiko.

Meet Scott-The World's BIGGEST Loser

2005-12-29T13:26:00.000-06:00

This is Scott-aka the Loserfish. I like to call him the World's Biggest Loser because, let's face it, he is a loser. Scott and I have a unique relationship where we insult each other on levels most people would find completely repulsive. He recently shared with me his desire for fame and domination in the blogosphere so this is the first step: A post on my blog. Because we all know I am Sheerah. You are on your way to global domination, Scott. Just keep on sucking and the world will come to you. Peace out, loser.

Disclaimer: I actually have love for Scott. He's a way cool dude with an even cooler girlfriend. Mainly because Jenna puts up with his bull. But seriously, Scott is lots of fun and not a loser. It's just part of our heinous teasing.

Christmas Fun

2005-12-19T08:16:00.000-06:00

Max & Dolly model their Santa hats. Aren't they fashionable?

Pookie says, "Get this freaking thing off of me. I am not a toy. I'm a cat. Cats don't like crap like this, you weirdo."

"Achoooooooooooo!" Aggie got caught mid-sneeze. She still looks pretty cute, though.

Dolly had too much Christmas and went to snuggle up with her mama. Isn't she sweet?

Here's our Christmas card. Mother and child in matching Santa hats. I tried to take Aggie to the photo department at Sears but the man kept saying "watch the birdie" and Aggie kept trying to eat it. Maybe because she's a dog?

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire.....

2005-12-15T08:58:00.000-06:00

It's time to spread a little Christmas cheer. That's right, Christmas. I support the idea of inclusion and using the phrase "Happy Holidays" because you never know what someone might be celebrating, yada yada yada. But folks, I'm celebrating Christmas this year. Not Hannukah, not Kwanzaa, not Ramadan, not the pagan festival Saturnalia, but Christmas. So, here are some Christmas things I enjoy.

An Interactive Christmas Dog

My parents' Christmas card:

*Note that the dogs "sign" the Christmas card. People, we are really eat up with these animals. This is almost disgusting. We may need to form a support group known as Labaholics Anonymous.

Red & Rover after Thanksgiving

*And that really is how a lab would react. If there's food around, forget about it. They're gone. When it comes down to it, people v. food, these dogs are going for the vittles. That's loyalty at its finest.

Other Christmas things I enjoy:
Lights on houses
Lit-up trees in windows
Old Christmas songs (especially Burl Ives-who sounds like he ate the turkey right before he started singing)
Christmas movies (namely National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, Holiday Inn, Christmas Story, and It's a Wonderful Life)
Peppermint Hot Chocolate
Cookies
Massive amounts of food
Time with family

Ok, enough sappy crap. Merry Christmas! Happy Hannukah! Happy Kwanzaa! Happy Ramadan(do you say that?)! Happy Festivus! Happy Saturnalia!

Weekend Musings...

2005-12-05T09:32:00.000-06:00

There's a line in one of my favorite Ani Difranco songs, "God help you if you are a phoenix/And you dare to rise up from the ash/A thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy/While you were just flying past" and everytime I hear it, it gets me to thinking about the phoenix, its meaning, the legend, etc.

This weekend, while rewatching Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, I picked up on something new about Fawkes, the phoenix in that story. I've always liked the notion of the phoenix being reborn from its own ashes. All religious connotation aside, I like the metaphor it brings to our own lives: out of whatever pain, suffering, sorrow, heartache we experience, we are constantly reborn as something new and unique. I think that's a really soothing idea. And not reborn in a Christian, born-again, Jesus saves sense, but simply, "I experienced this, I learned from it, and now I am new and different because of it".

But that's not what I noticed this time. Dumbledore makes note of the phoenix's ability to carry great loads and that their tears carry healing powers. So continuing my little metaphor here, as we are reborn, our ability to carry heavy burdens grows. And yes, tears do contain healing powers. Who doesn't feel better after a good cry? That certainly is therapeutic. So these are my observations from my umpteenth watching of Harry Potter. I love that a children's book sheds so much light on the human experience. I think it's sad some people are opposed to the books when there is clearly a great deal to be learned from them. I'll leave you with one of my favorite lines from the entire series: "It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." ~Albus Dumbledore

We now return to your regularly scheduled programming...

2005-12-02T12:25:00.000-06:00

So I haven't posted anything lately because my brain has felt mushy and I've been pretty busy with moving at work, transforming myself into Betty Crocker at home, and protecting my baked goods from the 80-lb vacuum cleaner known as my dog. I wish I had taken pictures of the blueberry streaks left on my kitchen floor after her escapade with the remains of a blueberry pie while I was at work. Anywho, I found this survey so I decided to post it here for your viewing pleasure. Feel free to respond!

Have you ever:
smoked a cigarette or tried it - Yes.

crashed a friend's car - No. I'm a good driver

been dumped - Dump is such a harsh word. And it makes me think of poop.

shoplifted - Not on purpose...I forgot about a giant bag of dog food on the bottom of my cart at walmart one time. I realized it was still there when I got to my car. Aggie ate for free that month.

been fired/laid off - No.

been arrested - No. I am a very good girl.

gone on a blind date - Yes, once in high school. Other than that, I've had no problem securing my own dates.

lied to a friend - Not about anything other than liking a boyfriend when I really don't.

skipped school - Yes, frequently in college. I was too much of a teacher's pet in high school to skip.

seen someone die - No.

been to canada - Not yet

been to mexico - No. What's the big deal with North American travel, what about Europe? That's what I'm talking about.

eaten sushi - Yes, not my favorite.

met someone in person from the internet - Yeah.

taken pain-killer - yes, when I had my wisdom teeth removed. One thing I don't recommend: Watching Clockwork Orange on pain killers. Talk about trippy.

had a tea party - Am I British? I didn't think so.

cheated while playing a game - *they* say I cheat at Trivial Pursuit because I give hints. I think that's just being a courteous game player.

fallen asleep at work - only when I was supervising an overnight lock-in at the Y. My job was to keep the place from burning down.

felt an earthquake - no.

touched a snake - ask me if I want to and the answer will be: definitively, NO.

been robbed - my car was broken into and my cd player was ripped from my dash during my sophomore year of college. I suppose that counts.

petted a reindeer/goat - Yes, I *heart* goats. Petting zoos ROCK!

won a contest - yes, I won flute competitions in high school. Ooh and I won some ribbons at the State Fair for my baking.

been suspended from school - I got in trouble once in high school. For talking. Go figure.

been in a car accident - yes. Twice. Once when I was three. I hit my head on the roof of the car and my siblings insist that's what is wrong with me. Aren't they sweet. The second time I was rear-ended in high school, totalling my car. Believe me, I was not sad about that one. Mama got a new car from that deal. Hell yeah.

had braces - Yes, where do you think I got these straight teeth, the straight teeth store?

eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night - no. that's disgusting. I'm pretty sure that would make me sick.

witnessed a crime - define *crime*

swam in the ocean - of course! I love jumping waves and fishing for sand dollars with my toes.

sung karaoke - Yes, my sister and I sang "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" at Birdsong Resort with our drunk neighbor crooning along. Something about a middle-aged man singing, well more like moaning along to that song really changes its meaning. I think that's the last time I'll participate in karaoke. I'm pretty sure that scarred me for life.

paid for a meal with only coins - Maybe with a few bills and a bunch of coins, but never in all coins.

laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose - too many times to count...

been kissed under mistletoe - yes.

crashed a party - nope.

worn pearls - yes, pearls are my favorite. I had a pearl pendant that I wore all the time and then I lost it. I suck like that with jewelry. Even still, if I had a nice pair of pearl earrings, that's probably all I would ever wear (jewelry-wise, that is).

jumped off a bridge - isn't that slightly suicidal-seeming?

ate dog/cat food - who eats dog/cat food... do people really do that? I guess maybe the stoner guy who does things on dare, but really, outside of that guy....?

kissed a mirror - again, who does that??

glued your hand to something - no

done a one-handed cartwheel - are you kidding me? I'm too flippin' tall to do a cartwheel. I would look like the Big Friendly Giant trying to do a cartwheel. And if you can't imagine that, I'll just tell you, it would not be a pretty sight, trust me.

talked on the phone for more than 6 hours - that's a long time to be on the phone.

didn't take a shower for a week - no way. Talk about crotch crickets. I can't even go a day without a shower.

picked and ate an apple right off the tree - I'm fairly certain produce should be washed before being eaten, and given my obsessive-compulsive tendencies, I have never eaten produce straight from the plant without washing it first.

been told by a complete stranger that you're hot - probably. I don't really pay attention to these sorts of things.

Watershed- n. : a crucial dividing point, line, or factor: TURNING POINT

2005-11-22T08:26:00.000-06:00

Watershed
~Indigo Girls

Thought I knew my mind
Like the back of my hand
The gold and the rainbow
But nothing panned out as I planned
And they say only milk and honey's
Gonna make your soul satisfied
Well I better learn how to swim
Cause the crossing is chilly and wide

Twisted guardrails on the highway
Broken glass on the cement
A ghost of someone's tragedy
How recklessly my time has been spent
They say that it's never too late
But you don't, you don't get any younger
Well I better learn how to starve the emptiness
And feed the hunger

Up on the watershed
Standing at the fork in the road
You can stand there and agonize
Till your agony's your heaviest load
You'll never fly as the crow flies
Get used to a country mile
When you're learning to face
The path at your pace
Every choice is worth your while

And there's always retrospect
(when you're looking back)
To light a clearer path
Every five years or so I look back on my life
And I have a good laugh
You start at the top
Go full circle round
Catch a breeze
Take a spill
But ending up where I started again
Makes me wanna stand still

Stepping on a crack
Breaking up and looking back
Til every tree limb overhead just seems to sit and wait
Til every step you take becomes a twist of fate

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Last night as I was driving over to Ashley's house for dinner, I was listening to this song and thinking how applicable it is to life, specifically struggling with decisions. I certainly have spent time agonizing over decisions until the agony itself was more burdensome than either outcome of whatever decision I might make. I could write a book on that. So anyway, Ashley and I ate our dinner and then she dropped a bomb on me: She's moving to South Africa in February. And the turn of events leading her there is fascinating. A few months ago, Ashley met a man at church who operates an AIDS clinic in Capetown. She's been keeping in touch with him ever since. This clinic has a need for an English-speaking female drug counselor with a working knowledge of the 12-steps. Without knowing any of Ashley's personal history which includes her own experience with drugs, a long-term relationship with an addict, serious Al-Anon recovery work and a degree in Psychology, he offered Ashley the position. By far, she is the most perfect person for this job, and it's the watershed moments in her life that have shaped who she is. So I listened to the song again on my way home and smiled. I wish you all could hear how things are really falling into place for her in regard to this job. It's gonna be great. And coming soon (well in January) a benefit concert to help send this gal on her way! Kudos to my pal Ashley! :)

Birthday Fun with Bernie

2005-11-21T13:39:00.000-06:00

I just want to take a moment to point out the glorious nature of Bernadette's laugh. Her mouth becomes so large that she resembles a snake unhinging its jaw preparing to dine upon its prey. I laugh just looking at this picture. Ah, good times. Good times.

Better than a Degree

2005-11-16T15:16:00.000-06:00

This is me and my best pal from college, Amanda. (well, that's the inside of my nose and that's Amanda having a spiritual dilemma because the monster from "Lost" is coming after her) She is quite possibly the best thing I got from Belmont University. Yes, the degree is a good thing. Yes, I learned a lot and had some great experiences, but Demanda is hands-down the coolest friend ever. More about Amanda- she is totally uncomplicated. I love that about her... When things were rough for me and we didn't talk for several months, she didn't hold it against me like some people would. You know the type, "well, she didn't call me so why should I bother...the phone works both ways...blahblahblah..." Like we're in some sort of relationship. And I can always count on her to cheer me up with craziness. Look at this picture. One would think that we had been drinking heavily (especially if you saw the other pictures in this series). Alas, it was just our general silliness. You gotta love having someone you can genuinely be yourself around. She's a very thoughtful and giving person, too. I love that she is on the Atkins diet right now, but still plans on making me the most fattening birthday cake ever and plans to stare down the carb-laden temptation in the face because she loves me that much. That's devotion right there. I'm never scared to tell her things either because I know that no matter what I say, she'll still love me. We can go watch an artsy fartsy film and have an intellectual discussion about it or we can go to a hockey game, drink beer, and eat nachos and have the best time either way. Moral of the story: Amanda rocks my face off. Everyone should have a friend as cool as this chick. Shout out to my homie.

I need more to do...

2005-11-11T15:29:00.000-06:00

Your Brain's Pattern

You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy.You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts.People may say you're hard to read, but that's because you're so internally focused.But when you do share what you're thinking, people are impressed with your imagination.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

The Wizard of Dogz

2005-11-11T13:56:00.000-06:00

Here is the Halloween picture we've all been waiting for. Pictured (from left) are Aggie the Scarecrow, TinMax, and Dolly as Dorothy. Clearly, Max and Dolly were not as excited as Aggie about their experience with the Wizard of Oz. Keep in mind, Aggie had a cookie in her face to hold her attention.

I know what you're thinking, "these people are nuts! They dressed their dogs as Wizard of Oz characters". While it's true that my family is certifiably insane, you have to admit, the dogs are pretty cute...